Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Married Life Check Up


I'd like to have some kind of "weekly" post that focuses our marriage journey as newlyweds.  Hopefully they'll mostly be happy/encouraging posts!  But let's be honest...it's a lot of work.  Matt and I have already realized that and we're only 2.5 weeks in!   So what have we learned so far?

1) The way we "word" requests from one another is critical...same with body language. 
Being at this heightened "newlywed" phase, both of our emotions are on the edge...so every word and body gesture is analyzed.  The other day I told Matt, "You should bring in your lunch box every night so I can have it washed an ready for you in the morning."  He kindly asked me if I could "ask" him to have it done.  As in, "Babe, could you please bring in your lunch box...".  He took my original wording as demanding...I was grateful that he made a recommendation like that because I would have never known he would respond better if I rephrased it. :)
Same goes for body language...we realized that my "sighing" and "mild grunting" while cleaning the house does not mean I'm furious and wish he would help me.  It means I'm old and out of shape and wish I were sitting on the coach with a bag of oreos.  So...that was an awkward realization.

2) Simple things make a husband happy.
I mean...simple!  We just bought a new front loading washer and dryer.  My parents bought one a couple years ago, so it wasn't anything new to me.  But I kid-you-not, my cuter than life hubby stood/sat there watching an entire load wash (1 hour and 6 min allowing me to watch my show uninterrupted)  He was completely mesmerized by how little water they use and how crazy fast the spin cycle was.  (Heart him and his child like innocence)

3) Be on the same page
When we can, we try to read our guide books at the same time before going to bed.  I got them from the Christian bookstore: 
The Smart Groom's Answer Guide: An Eye-opening Look at Your First Year of Marriage (Focus on the Family)The Savvy Bride's Answer Guide: An Eye-opening Look at Your First Year of Marriage (Focus on the Family)
I bought them to help us cope with any obstacles we may face our first year of marriage.  Matt isn't much of a reader and usually just falls asleep.  But, this was entirely his idea!  The books coincide with each other but are geared for each of us.  We've already had some great discussions and learned a lot about each other.  I now look forward to that time together. 

4) Being the "perfect wife" is a horrible goal to set
No one is perfect and therefore no wife can be perfect.  I never set such a goal...but I definitely wanted to be uniquely close to being one. lol  I wake up every morning and get the table set for breakfast and our lunches packed.  I try to have dinner made majority of the time when he gets home and I keep the house clean and tidy.  So you can imagine my surprise when Matt called me from work simply asking, "Why isn't there any meat in my sandwich?"  Yes, I packed my man a sandwich of mayo, cheese and lettuce.  (I must have been dealing with my morning mood issues lol)  Later that night I completely let the spaghetti noodles overcook to the point that they resembled chicken noodle soup.  Matt was so sweet and boiled up a fresher batch. :) 

All in all... I find it a relief to know that we can find humor in our mess-ups and just have each others backs as we learn how to love each other just a lil more. :)

3 comments:

  1. You are SO on the right track. There is indeed a lot of "newlywed pressure" that is easy to overlook and/or not address. Keeping it in the forefront of your everyday life is really good- along with setting realistic goals (I know we all want to be perfect, but...). And communication- I know it's something that everyone says is the most important thing, but its so easy to expect your wife/husband to be a mind reader without even realizing it. Kudos to you my friend for starting out on this journey on the right foot!

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  2. i love this post so much! i want to read it again and again!

    it is so true though. marriage is such a great experience and you really learn so much about your partner every single day.

    i really hope that you do a weekly post every week on marriage.

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  3. Kathy, you're so right about the way we word requests - and being first borns it's so easy to sound like we're demanding. I'm learning...

    It's good that you're communicating - too many marriages are falling apart because we expect our spouses to read our minds. Good job. I love this post!

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