I will never blame my kids...cause I made them
They are by far the biggest blessings in my life. Yes, they can be overwhelming, exhausting, stressful and downright maddening. But they're my flesh and blood. Lord only knows what I put my parents through...so I'm sure I deserve some sleepless nights and tantrums. But I could never blame them for what doesn't work in my life. Because my life without them... was so empty. I was meant to be their mommy... and that blessing alone wipes away of the exhausted tears.
What does frustrate me is the stigma. That mom's are supposed to be perfect. That we can't get frustrated, tired, fed up or upset. But we don't get credit for the stuff that seems small and pointless... but when you add it all up. It matters. And the stigma continues because we get blamed for what doesn't go right. Kid isn't dressed well, has a messy face in public, isn't learning at a pace compared to "so-and-so"... people always look to the mom and wonder what she isn't doing right. So to all the moms out there who feel overwhelmed...know that your kids are your only judge. :) Every time Avery tells me, "Thank you for dressing me mommy" or "Mommy, I like your hair" I know I'm doing ok. :) <--and done="" even="" good.="" haven="" i="" it="" know="" m="" nbsp="" p="" t="" yet="">--and>
I honestly didn't know how hard marriage would be. I don't mind saying I was beyond naive. And I hate the fact that people refuse to talk about it. We all take these cute selfies and post them on social media with hashtags inferring that all is perfect all the time. But marriage is so hard! I took for granted the fact that bringing our kids into the equation would mean that it would be easier. But we all had to adjust. not just from becoming parents, but being husband and wife first and parents second. I can honestly say I had the backward for awhile. I'm just now starting to get that right, but it's been an uphill climb to change the culture I built for myself. I've always been harder on myself than I let on. Whether it was school or any project... I demanded perfection. Perfection was what you got from me. But I'm not in a marriage alone. And I do have flaws. My husband has flaws. But God created us, flaws and all, and brought us together to compliment each other. To complete each other. To accept each others' flaws and be perfect...together. So like I said, learning a lot about my role as a wife... one day at a time. I think my deepest fear is that because of my independence... and what I consider my strengths... they're almost not wanted or needed as a wife. Like, I need to dumb myself down or quiet my ideas in order to be that perfect wife. I don't know. Throwing out that deep nugget to see if anyone shares that too.
It's just a job...that I happen to love
Not many can say they love doing what they do as a career. But a few years ago I took a new job in the quality department and I love it. It's my niche... and I'm actually bummed I didn't figure it out sooner in my career. The first role in the division had me traveling quite a bit (Avg: 2 days / month) and it was stressful both for me and my family. We made things work and I learned a lot in those couple years. So now I'm in a new role that has been staying home and so far it's been great as well. Still doing the work I love, but I get to come home to my hubby and babies each evening. :)
I don't know what the next chapter will be though. We'll see.
So I have a point to my post today. With everything that has been what I call the "whirlwind" of my life the few years I've managed to have one constant. God. And the verse that he laid on my heart has been:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10
If we're fb friends, you've noticed the following quote as my cover picture... and it has been up there since the beginning of the year. Last year was not a good year for me... so I'm keeping that verse and quote close as a daily reminder...I need strength for each and every day.